Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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