i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
