I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize