if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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