last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
