please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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