Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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