So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
