Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
