Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
