yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
