brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
