Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
