I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
