I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
