Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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