Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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