He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
