Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
