I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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