Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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