I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
