I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
