I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
