Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We are all done wearing pants today
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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