i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
