Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So many bounce houses so little time
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
