how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
