I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
