I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
