One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
