Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize