He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
