My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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