I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
