Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
