She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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