her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
