Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Is it penis luge time yet?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
