Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
