I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
