I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
