Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
