At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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