So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
