he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
