so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
