ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
