If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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