living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
