piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We need to get me chipped asap
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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