I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize