I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
