I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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