Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
