If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
