I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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