Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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