I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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