actually, I'm a sock model
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
