Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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