last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
