I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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