i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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