dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
