When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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