That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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