Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
