Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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