Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
