needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
