wakey wakey hands off snakey
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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