ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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