i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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