Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
