i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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