Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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