you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
