Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
