Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize