JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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