This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
