We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
